Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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