Jerry, you need to find god
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
