the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
