he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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