tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i think my cat just said my name.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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