Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
