Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My life is pants optional.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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