my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
