He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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