She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
