you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
