dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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