she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I could fuck to npr.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
