Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
