There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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