You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
