please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
