we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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