those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
