P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
