DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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