I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
