Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
