its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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