whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
