we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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