Why is your signature on my underwear?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
