I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
