Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
