Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Mom said you looked used
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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