You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
