Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months