Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK