True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
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Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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