Sry I called you an 8
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.