Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

I like to think it a success when the cops are called

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(602): I like to think it a success when the cops are called http://tfl.nu/b8sa

Replies (3) Good night (1361) Bad night (562)
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(804): View more from Virginia

omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

(804): View more from Virginia

He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

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(804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp

Replies (8) Good night (864) Bad night (2650)
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(905): View more from Toronto

Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

(1-905): View more from Toronto

With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

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(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx

Replies (34) Good night (19900) Bad night (2233)
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(703): View more from Virginia

one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.

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(703): one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day. http://tfl.nu/f2q9

Replies (16) Good night (1425) Bad night (3484)
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(587): View more from Alberta

His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?

(587): View more from Alberta

She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.

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(587): His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl? (780): You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus? (587): She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass. http://tfl.nu/i4m5

Replies (68) Good night (2323) Bad night (4529)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

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(336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7

Replies (13) Good night (3760) Bad night (2437)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"

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(774): i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness" http://tfl.nu/ogi9

Replies (5) Good night (2970) Bad night (923)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.

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(615): i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver. http://tfl.nu/x8br

Replies (9) Good night (3632) Bad night (817)
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(301): View more from Maryland

no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.

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(301): no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue. http://tfl.nu/bg75

Replies (4) Good night (1827) Bad night (806)
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(847): View more from Illinois

looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!

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(847): looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again! http://tfl.nu/gkwb

Replies (1) Good night (1671) Bad night (621)
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(928): View more from Arizona

You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?

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(928): You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect? http://tfl.nu/nafu

Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (1198)
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(647): View more from Ontario

We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.

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(647): We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with. http://tfl.nu/g52q

Replies (8) Good night (844) Bad night (1322)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life

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(402): Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room (1-402): I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life http://tfl.nu/wz9a

Replies (7) Good night (660) Bad night (254)
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(903): View more from Texas

How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?

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(903): How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing? http://tfl.nu/tt7s

Replies (3) Good night (538) Bad night (254)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.

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(541): Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper. http://tfl.nu/4og2

Replies (7) Good night (744) Bad night (367)

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