Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
