I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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