Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac

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(480): View more from Arizona

he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!

(602): View more from Arizona

so its atleast an 8 for creativity.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed

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(406): View more from Montana

He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.

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The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(202): View more from Washington, DC

Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.

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(631): View more from New York

I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"

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(956): View more from Texas

Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode

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(205): View more from Alabama

What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?

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