Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?