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It's Friday. Sex?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
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Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.