So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
