After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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