U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you traded sex for a burrito?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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