Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
