Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
