For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
