so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
