i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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