I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
