Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
