exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
