If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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