____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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