yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
