Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
