I'm gonna have a badass scar
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
