i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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