she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
