I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
