I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
