I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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