The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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