In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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