so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
