i permit you to call me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
