I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just want nice things and good sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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