just tell him i said nine months
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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