The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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