Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
