the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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