Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We're too hungover to prance.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
