Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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