I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I fill condoms, not promises.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize