I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
