Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
