I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
farters have to be the big spoon...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
