hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
