Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
