Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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