Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
jump out the window naked night went bad
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