Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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