she looked like the bat from fern gully.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
