Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
this is an emotional support booty call
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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