Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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